life....

Friday, August 12, 2005

These days I wake up feeling negative. I go to the living room, see momo and fofo and I dun greet them. I dun talk to them. I just simply show them my grouchy morning face.


I go to work and pretend to laugh at the funny things my colleagues said. I go for lunch chatting happily but the inner me was actually hoping that she can leave me alone and I dun have to pretend I am interested to chit chat with her.


I dunno what is wrong with me. Sure this is not the first time I go through a moody patch but I have been going through this for the past few days. And still feeling the same each day I wake up, but feeling a tad better each day before I go to bed.


I felt that a part of my has died and it is impossible for me to be the me that I used to. It seems like its just impossible for me to wake up feeling happy, feeling good.


Maybe this will be the new me. I have evolve to be a less cheerful person. The way I am now will be my new norm.


Actually its no big deal. More or less I think this is life. I have been told I have funny views on life. Maybe. Maybe not. But who is to say I am wrong?


Sometimes I feel that a lot of things in life is all destined. But destined being one thing, that does not mean we dun have to fight for what we want. Example... You are destined to have this much wealth (80%) in your life. And if you work hard and strive, u will achieve the full 80%. But if u dun, u wont even get 1% of it. But the point is that we do not know how much of everything we are destined to have. So, although everything is already destined but if we never fight to achieve, we will never get what we are destined to have. So in the end we still have to fight for it. Just that we do not know how much is in store for us.


And I think I heard before that before we embark on a new life (I believe that life is eternal. Out body is just a shell), we will be shown what will happen in the life that we are going to embark on (our current life). And after knowing what is going to happen, we have a choice whether we want to continue on the embarkment. So this means that we actually have a choice and we chose to live the life we are living now.


So we should not complain about our life cause we had a choice and we chose it so dun complain.


Abit chim and too philosophical for a Friday? I thought so too. But like people always say, dun take blogs or what is written in blogs too seriously.


My thoughts are getting more and more distracted these days. Fleeting thoughts come and go before I can even grasp it. So most of the time my mind is like in haze (like the haze in malaysia). Lets hope the haze clears up soon.


Gotta come back office tomorrow. GM has sent a memo that tomorrow is the official office house cleaning day. I seriously dunno what is there to housekeep. My desk is neat and clean. Nothing to clean. My department got nothing much to clear also. Only got some catalogues lying around. I think at most we throw them away lor. Bloody hell. Waste our time. Think I will just come and wayang abit here and there. Hope the whole thing can end early though. KNN.

Clatzz reflected on 11:49 AM