emotionless

Sunday, January 09, 2005

i felt completely drained out of my emotion.

i can no longer feel happiness.

no longer feel sadness.

no longer feel anger.

no longer feel anything, except tiredness.



begining to dread weekends. every weekend something has to happened to drag me down. during weekdays, i will try with all my might to lift myself up. and everyweekend l will be pulled down again. so tired to try over and over again.



last night, he finally attempted. in front of me. he asked me to send him through his last journey.


i told him he has succeeded in ruining my life permanantly. and it was all part of his plot. to send me those smses everynight. to ask me out for dinner and movie one last time. its all part of his plan, to let me watch him die right before my eyes. so that i have to carry the guilt with me for as long as i live.



we argued. i managed to snatch the packet or poison fo rkilling mouse from him. but didnt manage to get hte packet of pills. he told me he is going home and left.



minutes later, i got a sms from him bading my farewell forever. i called momo and she came to fetch me home. i dunno where he went. so i can only call hong and told him everything that happened.



this morning, hong called me and say that the police called him. somebody found him unconcious opp my place and called the police. shortly aft, the police called me too and i went down with momo.



he was at our usual spot, in a daze. cant speak, cant stand properly. i breifly told the police what happened. shortly aft, hong came and the ambulance came. hong accompanied him to the hospital.



nw he is warded and is safe, but still unconcious.





i dun know how this whole thing will end.


i cant feel anything now except tiredness. but i cant sleep.



human to human relationship is so tiring. i think i am not suitable for such games. to know and trust a person takes so much effort. to maintain the relationship takes effort too. and even to end has drained me of my energy.



i think im just not suitable.

Clatzz reflected on 3:41 PM