swing swing away

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

damn damn bored. no mood to do anything. no mood, no motivation, no energy. mood swing?? maybe. aunty coming soon so the possibility of pms is high.

went gym with matt yesterday. counted the number of weeks that we have been going to gym and the ans is: this is the 5th week and we have been to the gym for 6 times. yesterday was the 6th time. although i kno that 6 times is really really little and actually not worth mentioning, but i cant help but think that all my gym trips have been fruitless. i dun see myself getting trimmer or slimer, but instead i see my weight going uphill. GOSH!! what is happening?? i have been exercising and i have been watching my diet. hasnt been eating supper, has cut down on my snacking. so why am i gaining weight? matt says its because i am building muscle and muscle is heavier than fats. eehhh, though the logic is there, but felt that matt is saying that to console me. my bye bye arms are still as flabby. my thighs are still as fat and my tummy still have layers of fats buldging out. so where got build muscle? *sigh* maybe its water rentention, cos aunty coming mah. ya lah, mus be the water retention. haha *self consolation*

wont be meeting matt today. he went to ginza for meeting and so he will be heading straight home aft the meeting. sianz. nowadays when we dun meet, we rarely tok on the phone also. cos normally he will rent vcd to watch on days that we dun meet and i hate to talk to pple who are watching tv. u can feel that their concentration more on the show than on the converstion with you. and they always like to tell you whats going on the screen, as if i care.

power is on mc today. so good. *envy envy* u might think im weird, but i seriously hope that i can fall sick. preferably high fever, or maybe even dengue fever? den i can have 2 weeks mc. how nice. how i wish i hav mc too. im sick. sick of work. few days ago, somebody asked me: so what is your job scope?? sales?? i replied: yah, im doing sales, cum marketing, cum procurement, cum delivery, cum finance, cum admin. and the person laughed. he thought im trying to be funny. but im not. im jus giving a honest reply. my card does not state my designation. and the reason is, to most of my customers, im a project enginner (sounds impressive right? i gave myself that tittle). to my supplier, im the precurement executive. to some other customers, im sales executive. on my invoices and DOs, i sign as the marketing manager. IMPRESSIVE RIGHT?? haha. its all a HOAX. dun be cheated by all these tittle. okie, i better dun complain so much, or i will have a lecture that i should speak up for my rights instead of complaining complaining complaining.

i mean to some pple speaking up is easy. when i give advises to my frens on similar prob, i tell them: speak up. its your entittlement. but when it comes to my own work, i am so hum to speak up on that certain sensitive issue. and i dun understand myself. i can suan my bosses, show them colour but yet... i mean i am frustrated abt the situation i am in now and this him-ness of the words always stuck in my throat is making me even more frustrated. im angry with myself too. such a useless bitch, cant even speak up for her rights. arrhhggghhh.

Clatzz reflected on 6:40 PM